Angelina Jolie came out for the first time today regarding her much-publicised split from Brad Pitt in an attempt to regather support after women the world over joined in a chorus of “Serves You Right, Bitch”, the latest single from actress and now aspiring songstress Jennifer Aniston.
Jolie Pitts Herself Against Jen As Bradivorce Heats Up
The former Friends star claims to have finally realised that coasting on the role of Rachel from the long-running sitcom had finally reached its expiry date and that she needed to reinvent herself. Agent facilitated talks between herself and recently retired Sri Lankan cricketer TM Dilshan have inspired Aniston to reinvent herself.
The creator of the Dilscoop has convinced Aniston to take up the mike to record her first album ‘Chataas’ featuring the legendary batsman of which “Serves you right, bitch” is the first single.
Aniston in a media statement said that (she) always knew Brad was a dumper and (she) made sure she was dumped early. “Imagine being dumped after six kids and several awesome years as Hollywood’s power couple. I would much rather be dumped earlier in the piece so that I could concentrate on my acting career which will very soon break out of me being typecast as the romantic comedy, ditzy blonde. If I hadn’t had the opportunity to pursue my career after Brad dumped me for the hotter, sexier brunette, I would never have developed to become the sensitive, subtle, serious actor I am now”
Jolie, meanwhile was dismayed at the amount of women singing “Serves her right, bitch” in karaoke bars across LA. “Is it a crime to be the hotter, sexier, more alluring woman?” she said.
Commenting on the social media hatred towards Jolie and support for Aniston, and the widespread manifestation of the Buddhist laws of karma, Emma Watson said that perhaps the UN campaign should be ‘SheforShe’, instead.
Pitt could not be reached for comment but is reported to have said “I always preferred Monica anyway”