News 1st Updates Tagline To ‘We Report, You Resign’ As Canagey Forced Out After MTV Goes Crying To President

muhinthan CanageyReal life Frank Underwood, Maithripala Sirisena, today decided to exercise the powers of the office of his Executive Presidency, which he previously said that he would abolish, in order to force Chief Executive of ICTA, Muhunthan Canagey, to resign from his position.

In a statement President Sirisena said, “We can’t have people probing the media about questionable business practices. It has to be the other way about so that the media can get away with shady deals and unethical reporting. Do we really need someone watching the watchmen? Anyway, true power lies solely with the media – just ask Rupert Murdoch.”

“The media and politicians generally have a cozy back scratching relationship. Or in the case of Sri Lanka, each party is holding the others balls, ready to squeeze if anyone squeals. I need the media because that’s the only way I find out what is happening in the country. The other day I heard the President announce he was giving in to the protestor’s demands which I found about only after I saw myself saying that on the news. So they are an important institution.”

A spokesperson for media group said “We don’t know anything about this so called spectrum that everyone is saying we acquired without due process. If someone can actually show it to us then we can better understand the issue, but at the moment it’s all invisible so how can we have not paid for something which can’t be seen?”

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