Cabraal Resurfaces to bail out Greece

cabraal2Acting through the Cabraal Consultancy Group, the former governor of the Central Bank yesterday tendered a competitive bailout package for Greece to counter the European Union’s “pathetic and stingy” proposal. A spokesperson for the Group said, “Cabraal’s package is smaller than the average European package. But much cleaner”

An experienced consultant in turnaround, banking and doing what politicians tell you to do, Cabraal believes he is perfectly poised to rescue this ailing nation. “We were doing austerity long before these Greeks. I did my PhD in International Finance during Sirimavo’s time and had to stand in a paan polima for 18 hours.”

The Consultancy applied its corporate analytical tools to the crisis and found Greece to be “majorly undervalued” and “an investment as sound as Mattala”.

The former governor is looking at tenders to build a highway from Athens to Kottawa and rejects allegations that Sri Lanka’s ETF and Stock Exchange have been placed as collateral to fund the bailout.  “I am a very sharp investor – I was one of the masterminds behind Nelum Pokuna which now has less than one event a month, the conference centre in Hambanthota that has more crows that staff, Unawatuna’s overnight shifting of the beach and that water park in Gampaha that no one goes to”

When asked what he thought of the EU economic report on Greece, Nivard Cabraal quipped, “Couldn’t understand any of it. It was all Greek to me.”

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