First Ever ‘Divorced, Guilty Party’ Matrimonial Advert Published

maA man who has admitted to acting in an unbecoming manner during his previous marriage has decided to admit his guilt in an advert published in this Sunday’s paper as his parents begin their search for their next partner, which he apparently has very little say in – just like the previous time.

The man from Dehiwala, who wishes to remain anonymous, said “My parents found my previous partner through the matrimonial section. She was a nice girl and we had a few things in common like two hands and one belly button each. But there was little else. However and more importantly though for my in-laws, our horoscopes matched. So it was decided that we should definitely get married. Unfortunately, things began to unravel quite quickly – for starters, she could not cook any starters. She also believed that Sean Connery was the best Bond when it’s clear that it was Roger Moore.”

“We once played the game where we share the name anyone in the world we could sleep with if we had the choice, which we wrote on pieces of paper and swapped. It was a bit awkward to see that she had written ‘Christian Bale’ when I had put down the name of her cousin.”

“Anyway, I do acknowledge that I broke the marital vows – while we both agreed to be there for each other in sickness and in health when she said she was sick of me the only I could do was leave so she could get better. So unwittingly I am the guilty party. My parents and in-laws can’t believe it didn’t work out considering the horoscopes matched. They are still dumbfounded that on paper things looked perfect.” he added

“I’m am honest guy and act with integrity so I decided I should be upfront about my indiscretion in the advert. But I should be a good catch as a son in law because I am a doctor who practices law and engineered my own house and am teetotal in between drinks.”

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