Sri Lankan women are set to find the answers to all their problems at the midway point of a bottle following the decision to legally allow females to purchase alcohol and amending the current archaic and sexist law.
One woman said, “I tried finding solace in places including the arms of a man, the paws of my cat and the gossip of my girlfriends, but none of them compares to reaching the halfway point of a bottle of arrack. That’s when my problems really flee. And alcohol has never judged me. Whether I shaved my legs or not, or even if I put on a little bit over Christmas, my trusted vodka doesn’t care. She loves me for me and my cranberry juice.”
A spokesperson for the Finance Ministry said, “Women were sick and tired of having to rely on their husbands to purchase alcohol so they could deal with the daily shit their husbands put them through, so we have had to let them purchase their own booze. We only think it’s fair that women are allowed to also give men a taste of their own medicine at 70% proof.”