Govt Appoints Arjuna Mahendran To Probe Panama Papers; Wela Suda To Oversee Drug Policy

Prime Minister Ranil Wickremasinghe today made a series of ironic appointments to mark the start of Avurudu, starting with the appointment of the only Bond villain not to captured or killed, Arjuna Mahendra, to head the probe of Sri Lankans involved with the Panama Papers. Minutes later, realising the unsuitability of the choice of candidate, Mr. Wickremasinghe appointed Wele Suda to manage the countries approach towards drugs.

Making an Avurudu address in a school in Galle, the Prime Minister said “This country needs to change the approach we nominate people to positions of authority. We are following the edict of ‘It takes a thief to know a thief’ in making these appointments. In addition to these two appointments, we will also appoint Thilanga as President of Sri Lanka Cricket and Ravi as the Minister of Finance. Sorry, I’ve just been told those ironic appointments have already been complete.”

“In that case, we intend on selecting Daham Sirisena as Head of the Anti-Nepotism Unit and Hirunika Premachandra as the Chairman of Select Committee leading the investigations into abductions.” he added.

A further statement issued by the Prime Minister’s office suggested that further Ministries would be added in the future. “It is unfair that only crabs have a separate ministry. As such, at least initially all crustacean’s will have their own individual ministry and we will selecting ex-cricketers to lead them. The selection will be headed by Sanath Jayasuriya”