Political Parties Increase Productivity For Most Important Non-Beneficial Event: May Day Rallies

Several political parties are expending more effort and resources than they have for any other project or activity in over a year as they undertake the task of holding their respective May Day rallies which provide no public benefit whatsoever.

The rallies, which will result in traffic chaos, littered roads, noise pollution with the added benefit of a free bus ride and lunch packets for participants, has turned from a movement to advance worker’s rights into a competition to see which political party can generate the highest attendance figures. Rather than addressing the most pressing worker’s rights issue facing public servants today, the main debate and focus of interest this year has been the “invitee list”, which has so far generated the most column inches in local papers.  So far Will Smith and Spike Lee have both confirmed that the will both be boycotting the parades due to their on-going dispute about the lack of black nominees at the Oscars.

A spokesman for the UPFA marketing department said, “We have been working on variants of posters with and without former President Mahinda Rajapakse. This is the most important campaign and undertaking this year. Some people say it was the Right to Information Bill while others say it was issue of VAT, but to be honest, figuring out if he is attending or not has been the most nerve-wracking thing and we are spending all out energy on this.”

One participant from the country’s leading rent a crowd business said, “Unlike previous rallies, this year I have been promised a window seat on the bus and also I hear they are giving chutney in the lunch parcels. I’m not sure why I’m attending but was told we will be given instructions on arrival, including a list of slogans. I just need to scream and shout. So I’m going for the ride, like most of the country is being taken for. I’m sure it will be fun.”