Ranil’s Bullet Proof Car Purchase Approved As Long As He Doesn’t Lower Shutters For Strangers

Parliament is close to delivering a verdict on one of the most closely followed and nationally important issues regarding Ranil’s purchase of two bullet proof cars, with the outcome expected to go in the Prime Ministers favour as long as he does now lower the car windows when anyone knocks on it.

The cars, which have been touted as costing the Government Rs 600 Million once taxes have been factored in, were said to have been ordered to protect the Prime Minister who despite using vehicles without such protection since assuming office 16 months ago, has only been attacked verbally. A spokesman for the Prime Minister said, “Since he came back in power last year, the Prime Minister has been using his private vehicles. But ever since a crow, who took offense to the increase in VAT, shat on him last month he decided that he required increased security. As such we put forward a proposal to order two bullet proof cars.”

Speak of the House Karu Jayasooriya said, “Having debated this proposal for a considerable time and allocated more resources to it than the Right to Information bill, which is obviously less important, we feel it is important to give our leaders the protection they need despite no credible threat. However, we have insisted that the fact the car itself will not protect him if he is going to act like a fool. For starters, we have told him he cannot lower the window when strangers knock.”