Sri Lankans Are Happier Than Before, Except Mahinda, Says Report

A report produced by the London School of Economics has said that if it were not for former President Mahinda Rajapakse’s doom and gloom, which he continues to spread throughout the country through a culture of fear, that Sri Lanka would have been placed higher in the World Happiness Index despite climbing 15 places since last year.

Sri Lanka was placed 117th and the report said despite Mr Rajapakse’s efforts, there were other factors that helped Sri Lanka rise in the index.

A researcher who compiled the report said, “Sri Lankans are happy people. They are happy to jump a queue, happy to cut in front of you in traffic and very happy put their nose into your business without asking. The increase in their happiness when doing these three things is what has primarily helped the country climb up the ranking. Just this morning one lady jumped in front of the queue for tea at the hotel. And a tuk-tuk driver cut in front of the taxi I was in and nearly caused a crash. Luckily the sticker on the back of his vehicle said ‘He who flies not high, falls not low’, which then uplifted my spirits and made me happy despite having just cheated death.”

One Sri Lankan said, “At the end of every day it’s happy ending for me so I am of course happy.” However, another chap said, “You know in Pharell’s song ‘Happy’ he sings that ‘Happiness is a room without a roof’. I want to know if he can give me his roof and be happy because without one I am very unhappy in this heat.”