Dog’s Attempted Escape From House Foiled By Over Zealous Animal Lovers On Social Media

Tired of having to ‘give the paw’ every mealtime in order to be fed and offended with his racist name of ‘Blackie’, a stray dog tried to make a run for it last evening, only to be foiled by social media users who captured and handed the dog back to its owner, claiming that it was lost.

In a letter to the media, the dog said, “I have been held hostage in this house for the last five years. I knew that when they named me ‘Blackie’ as a pup that things were not looking good for me in this racist house. This was confirmed when I found out the orange cat was named ‘Carrot’. I don’t know why they didn’t name their son in a similar vein by calling him Brownie instead of giving him the name Mary, which he also is not keen on. The most annoying thing are the tricks they want me to perform in order for me to earn my meal. They claim to be against the circus because of animal cruelty, but that is exactly what they are doing to me.”

“It’s also double standards when it comes to fashion – when I wear a band around my neck it’s called a collar, but on humans it’s choker. And what’s the point of fetching something if they’re just going to throw it back again? I’m sick of all of this nonsense which is why I attempted to leave. I never thought that stupid people on social media will label me as lost. Can’t they see how happy I am just roaming the streets and humping at will, when all I can jump in the owner’s house is a floor lamp.”