The High Commissioners of UK and Australia formally opened their respective new Visa Rejection Centres in Colombo morning with refurbished premises at new location aimed at comforting holiday makers and traveling relatives on having their visas declined.
The UK High Commissioner said, “The new location is not just a change in infrastructure. We’ve tried to simplify the rejection process as well and we’ll be able to tell people ‘No’ just by their gait and brand of watch they are wearing as they enter. However if they would like to prolong their misery, for an extra £50 we can play along by asking them to submit utility bills for the last 13 years together with a letter from their grade 3 school teacher and a copy of their bank balance which must show at least Rs 1.13 billion or alternatively ownership of a beachfront property in Galle or Mirrissa.”
“For this extra cost, the process will be dragged out for 2 months after which the application will be declined. The benefit of the new location is that we will provide free tissues for those who want to cry while there will be several punching bags installed for those who want to vent their frustration,” he added.
Meanwhile, the Australian High Commissioner said, “We will be questioning all applicants on their diets and if they have consumed any vegetables 3 months before applying they will be rejected as we have very strict border controls. So if you’re a vegan or vegetarian you’ll have to find another country for your holiday.”