Bryan Adams In Critical Condition After Being Murdered At Several Karaoke Clubs In Colombo

Canadian pop rock singer Bryan Adams is reported to be on life support after witnessing footage from several Colombo Karaoke clubs, where revellers have been murdering him by singing his songs completely out of tune for weekends on end.

The singer’s family released a statement saying, “The footage was just a shock to us and after watching for just 20 minutes, Bryan fainted and is yet to recover. Despite having visited the country,  performing live and giving Sri Lankans the chance to sign-a-long to his hits they have failed to grasp the melodies, cadences or even the pitch of his songs. Weekend after weekend, it appears they decimate his music. While he is heartened that locals have sung Summer of 69 more times than he ever has, they are clearly tone deaf.”

“Among the places they have been murdering him are Sopranos (where no discerning soprano will step into) Voice (where it is imperative yours is out of tune to gain entry) and Stella (where the singing is anything but).  Investigations have revealed that other artists including The Eagles, Freddie Mercury and Abba are also murdered on a regular basis,” the statement added.

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