Don’t Shake Hands With PM Unless He Has Received His Copy Of Daily FT Warn Health Officials

Government health officials have warned the public not to shake hands with Ranil Wickremasinghe unless he has received his copy of the Daily FT, as a result of the mixed use of the newspaper by the Prime Minister.

The notice which was sent to all news agencies stated, “We advise all members of the public who are likely to encounter to Mr Wickremesighe to ensure he has had the Daily FT paper delivered to him on that day. His decision to make use of the newspaper in more than one way will ensure some form of sanitisation. Just to be sure, anyone who does come in contact with him are asked to thoroughly wash their hands with soap afterwards of considering cutting their arms off.”

Mr Wickremasinghe said, “I like to recycle and this is just one of the ways I am helping the environment. In addition I use The Island to clear my nasal passage, The Nation to dig out debris from my ear canal and the Ceylon Today to wipe sweat of my brow. Daily News is too thick to use on my body so I use it to drain fried papadam.”

“I have asked the ICT to advise me on how I can incorporate the Colombo Telegraph website into my cleaning regime as they manage to pick up a lot of dirt,” he added.