NewsCurry Breaking news and serving it up in pieces
Teetotalling President Maithripala Sirisena arrived in Germany today to learn how a country with a history of division became one of the world’s top economies through the efforts of a nation of beer guzzling carnivores.
Mr. Sirisena, who has not ruled out introducing US-style prohibition in Sri Lanka, was told that despite his personal views there are several examples that alcohol can actually help develop a nation into a powerhouse. On arrival in Germany, the President addressed a group of journalists saying, “I have never touched a drop of alcohol in my life and I became President of Sri Lanka. However, I inadvertently once had a slice of chocolate biscuit pudding that was laced with some brandy. But I owe my success to not drinking and have been trying to double distil this message to the nation. But then I was told that Germany is a very successful country and everyone drinks, so I came to see the evidence.”
“These Germans got so drunk once they tore down a wall and invited David Hasselhoff to perform a victory song a few weeks later as part of their celebration. Actually, the person who caused the most problems in Germany was a vegetarian who became quite deranged after giving up smoking and drinking that he waged war. In light of all of this, I am going to rethink my proposals over a lager.”
In a related story, a number of German producers of high-quality Frankfurters and Bockwurst have said they are very keen to supply their products to Sri Lanka’s growing number of Sausage Fests
