Ranil Considers Lowering Sri Lankan Airline’s Costs By Offering Wings Contract To Red Bull

Ranil Wickramasinghe is considering offering the provision of wings for future Sri Lankan Airlines airplanes to Red Bull as the Prime Minister looks to stop the haemorrhaging of cash from the debt-stricken airline by teaming up with private companies.

Red Bull, a faux energy drink which is basically a mix of caffeine and sugar priced exorbitantly to maximise profit by using a series of sports sponsorships to create a fake connection in the mind of consumers, has for several years provided wings purported to give wings to anyone who consumes their drinks.

Mr. Wickremasinghe said, “Sri Lankan Airlines has been mismanaged over several years and we need to change how we operate. The former CEO and brother in law of Mr. Rajapakse was the biggest miss-manager according to several sources as he gallivanted around the world. And former ministers flew around the world taking their entire ministries with them. Now we are left with a huge stinking debt pile and have to come up with solutions to this. This is why I approach Red Bull after hearing they give wings. Of course, we won’t allow their drinks to be served on the flight as they taste terrible.”

Meanwhile, the airline, which was on sale for $1 has been bought by a 5 year who old who was given the money by his uncle in the U.S. When asked how intended to turn the airline around the boy said, “There are controls that allow you turn around. I am surprised none of the pilots could figure this out.”