NewsCurry Breaking news and serving it up in pieces
The Chinese government warned that another default on Sri Lanka’s monthly payments, could result in the several expressways built under the former government being repossessed, forcing the public to drive at a top speed of 50 mph to their destinations. The government currently owes Beijing 792 gazillion rupees in interest payments alone for money taken to build the roads, of which 40% was used to pay people to sign pieces of paper giving permission to build the roads.
“Times are tough,” said China’s Treasury Head Yen Ka-Ching, “just like undercooked Hot Butter Cuttlefish. We are thinking of buying a couple of African dictatorships this summer, and could do with the cash.”
Finance Minister Ravi Karunanayake refuted the allegations of tardy payment, claiming, “We sent a cheque that was sure to bounce on January 8. I blame our useless postal service for the delay. This is typical of the corruption and lethargy of the previous regime. At least our corruption delivers value.”
While waiting for payment the Chinese government accepted as security, the platinum card of Basil Rajapakse, Gotabhaya’s aquarium of laser shooting sharks and the frequent flyer miles of Nishantha Wickremasinghe. But the China also warned, “If defaults continue, we will repossess Nelum Pokuna, have a Mattala garage sale and may even pawn the BMICH. Mihin Air, you can keep.”
Alarmed that the humble Chinese roll may be next in line, Opposition Leader Nimal Siripala de Silva, Defence Secretary Ruwan Wijewardena and Overweight MP Prasanna Ranatunge held an emergency protest. Beijing responded with characteristic disdain. “Keep your damn Chinese roll. It’s about as Chinese as watalappan.”
