Mirissa Hotels and Restaurants Say They Didn’t Sign Up For Independence in 1948

People in the city of Mirissa, mainly those who own and operate hotels and restaurants that have discriminatory policies towards locals, said that they didn’t sign up for Independence in 1948 and as such will not be having any locally-themed celebrations today.

A number of establishments say instead they will fly the flags of Netherlands, Portugal and Britain, and indicated that they are in the process of preparing an application to join the EU considering that their most valuable customers come from that region. One person who doesn’t permit locals into his bar said, “When Independence was granted  in 1948 we told the government at the time that we didn’t want it. We are happy to have lots of foreigners in our city and be dependent on them. They know how to behave and can pay in foreign currency. Our locals don’t know how to conduct themselves in public; some of them even use their hands when eating and have never used cutlery. No etiquette.”

“We have decided that either we are joining the EU or we are going to seek independence from Sri Lanka, rather Ceylon as we call it, so we can happily entertain foreigners without all the palaver that the media and some locals are creating. We actually welcome locals to Mirissa – but they must leave withing 15 minutes.”

A number of places said that they intend on signing God Save The Queen this afternoon to celebrate Independence Day, or ’68 years of happiness since separating’.